The Joy Of Giving

In this terror-torn world, the need of the hour is compassion and help to reduce sufferings.  The joy of giving is thousand times better than joy of taking.  I was shaking and my heart started beating out of shame 'cos what have I done to the world.  I wasted 40+ years of time.  I have read these sentences

"Duty to man is duty to God"
"Helping the man kind is service to good"

"Self help is he best help"-------is a selfish sentence.

I salute this man....

See this video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WPOEXZNEgg

Narayanan Krishnan (Born 1981) is an Indian chef turned social worker. He quit his career as a leading chef and began supplying meals to the homeless in Madurai, Tamil Nadu, India, beginning in 2002.

With a degree in hand and future in sight, Narayanan was on his way to be an award-winning chef at a 5-star restaurant in Switzerland.

All it took to change his plans forever was a walk on the streets of his home town of Madurai, India. It was then that he was taken aback by an elderly man lying on the side of the road. This man was starving and filthy. Narayanan reached out to this old man who placed his frail, wrinkled dirty hand upon his. This was a defining moment.

Narayanan decided in this moment that helping this man and those in need would be a life well-lived, providing him the happiness and fulfillment he had yet to experience until this moment.

Though many of the people helped by Narayanan need much more than a meal, it was a good place to start and so Akshaya's Helping in H.E.L.P. Trust was established as a charitable organization based in India.

Starting in 2002, utilizing his own personal savings, Narayanan fed around 30 people. In 2003, he began to serve freshly-cooked meals, and has since served over 1.7 million meals as of August 2011.

The Curse Of Indian Joint Family

I am writing this blog after many months and I could not get any better topic than this.   It might sound negative to many of us.  Truth has to unfold at some point of time.

I am married for 16 years now.  My family consists of my wife, children and MY parents.   It doesn't include my wife's parents.  We call it "The Indian Joint Family".   For the last 16 years, my wife has been trying to adjust with my parents as much as she could.  16-years have passed and it is hard to believe that she is still giving her best to adjust.   All I am seeing is that the gaps are increasing than shrinking.  Probably, she is bearing the brunt and tolerating the style of life just because of the wellness of HER FAMILY.   By the way, when I say "HER FAMILY", I meant her husband and her children and not her husbands' parents.  We have given a new name to it called "THE NUCLEUS FAMILY".   There is no place for her parents in the "Indian Joint Family".
 
In India, when a girl is married, she is married to her husband's family and she has to forgo her family and adopt her husband's family.   This by culture and habit, not by law.  She needs to learn to live with her husbands parents, brothers and sisters, whether she likes it or not.  So, it is 1:M  relationship when written in mathematical form.  Simply put, M influences 1 and many times this influence gets very daunting for the new girl to adjust.  The man (wife's husband) has to play significant role in coaching and mentoring the girl.  If not done properly, the whole life becomes miserable for the couple.  Most of the time, due to social pressure and due to fear of discrimination, the girl just bears the brunt in silence no matter how hostile her husband's family is. 

My mother-in-law was married to a large family.  I am told that ever since she got married, she confined her life inside 4 walls of the kitchen working from 4 am to 11 pm 365 days an year.
She hardly met her parents after she got married.  My aunt who hailed from Mumbai was married into another large family residing in a remote village in Tamilnadu.  I am given to understand that apart from satisfying her husband's needs, she had to satisfy her in-laws and other family members needs too, sometimes was very disgusting to discuss here.   My cousin, an electrical engineering graduate has to seek permission from her in-laws to visit her parents although they are living in the same city stones throw away from each other.  She has accepted it has her fate silently and her husband is unable to bail her out.   I hear quarrels between my wife and my mother for petty things almost every single day.  It sounds petty for me, but not for my wife who feels insulted day in and out.   She is bold like many other women, but life is not easy for both of us.  I am trapped in between and I can't blame anyone other than me and the society we live in.  This is extremely annoying and disgusting.

Let us say a girl is married at the age of 25, she has been living an enchanting and loving life for the last 25 years with her parents, sisters and brothers.   Just because she is married into a family, it is unacceptable to assume that she has to forgo her family and accept a new family altogether and embrace change.   There is no personal life in a joint family.  This is not embracing change by any standards.  

Oh! my respected father-in-laws and mother-in-laws.........you too went through this pain before.   Do not let this happen to a girl.   Let her lead a happy life with her husband separately.   Let her decide what to buy for cooking,  what should be the color of the bedroom, which television brand to buy etc.   Do not put your thoughts on her.   Give her the required indepedence.

Oh! my respected father-in-laws and mother-in-laws.........do not disturb them with your thoughts.   Do not barge-in when they are planning for an outing.   Let them go.   Because, your son is also affected by your thoughts....not just that girl.

Oh! my respected father-in-laws and mother-in-laws........stay away from them and their life.  Supported them from outside.  Let them come to your house when they want to, not when you want to.  

Oh! my respected father-in-laws and mother-in-laws.......do not live with your son and daughter-in-law.  Knowingly or unknowingly, you disturb them and their privacy.   You can visit them whenever you want to see them.   That would earn you respect.

Oh! my respected father-in-laws and mother-in-laws.......if you are living with your son and daughter-in-law, follow these golden rule
        -> do not interfere when they are speaking privately
        -> do not empathise with your son in front of your daughter-in-law
        -> do not enter their bedroom without their approval
        -> do not join them in their trips unless they invite you
        -> this one is special for the father-in-law....do not sit in the front aile seat of a car.   That is reserved  for his wife (your daughter-in-law), not for you.
         

So, may I appeal to all the distinguished readers of my blog.   Please do not embrace change.   Please do not let this happen to your wife/daughter/sister.   Respect her independence and the privacy she needs. 

My salute to all Indian women for their generation-long sacrifices and in return getting nothing.....

UPANAYANAM

The Sanskrit word Upanayanam is made of Upa and Nayanam. (vision through knowledge). Literally, it is identified as the second vision known as Wisdom & knowledge.   The boy on which this is performed is known to get the second birth - first being born on the earth with physical body and second being "taking one near to wisdom".  Essentially it has two parts.  First is the investiture of the three stranded thread called Yagjnopaveetham. The second part is the Brahmmopadesam - taking one to the Brahman - a recitation into his right ear the Gayathri Mantra. This is usually performed by his father, who becomes the Teacher known as Guru to the boy.  And from this day, he begins his routine Sandhya Vandanam - a regular prayer done thrice a day - during Morning, Noon & in the Evening. 

The sacred thread consists of three strands joined by a knot known as Brahmagranthi or the knot of Brahma. The meaning of the three strands is ida, pingala and sukshama nadi, through which the kundalini energy manifests as prana and consciousness. Yajno-pavita means 'thread of sacrifice.' That is so called because it symbolizes the sacrifice of ego, Anger & selfishness.  Upanayanam does not mean just putting round the neck three strands of cotton thread. It means that there are not only two eyes but a third also. That is the jnana netram (wisdom eye). Open that eye and recognize your swa-swarupa (own form); that is what is taught. Upanayanam means additional eye. They say that the eye must be opened and for that purpose they give training in pranayama (breath control).  This sacred thread may be compared to an electric circuit. Even as any leakage point in an electric circuit will result in draining away precious electrical energy, objects like keys or rings tied to the sacred thread, serve as leakage points through which the carefully garnered spiritual power of Gayathri is frittered away. The sacred thread must therefore be kept free from association with any other object and must be worn at all times.

The Gayathri Mantra is a highly revered mantra of the Vedic tradition.  By chanting this mantra properly, one can attain purity by dispelling ignorance.  It improves communication abilities, brightens the mind and opens up the psychic vision.  Ultimately, the person who repeatedly chants this mantra attains spiritual enlightenment and becomes mentally powerful.

This practice is the rich heritage handed down the centuries by our forefathers and the sages. These rituals prepare the mind to assimilate not only the vedic knowledge but also make one a person of character. It may be argued that in the present day conditions it is not practicable to strictly perform sandhyavandana thrice a day as ordained by the scriptures nor is it possible to chant the Gayathri mantra strictly in the manner prescribed. While there may be some validity in such an argument, to the extent possible these samskaras must be practised including the regular chanting of the Gayathri mantras. In this context a brahmachari would do well to learn a lesson or two from others who even in these modern days, do not fail to perform their religious practices.

May the Supreme Lord and Divine Mother in her quintessential form as Gayathri bless us and inspire us to rediscover our extraordinary rich legacy.

"Hosur-Chennai" train once again ignored in 2014 Railway Budget

We as "Hosurians" should be disappointed to read that the Central Government has once again ignored the much-awaited express train between Hosur and Chennai.   Hosur being the industrial hub of Tamilnadu and a fast growing city near Bangalore with so many migrants from all across the country, this is an injustice to Hosurians.  Although there is no direct rail link between Chennai and Hosur, there was a proposal to run a train via Byappanahalli  (Hosur->Byappanahalli->Bangarpet->Jolarpet->Chennai).  Atleast a thrice-a-week train would have been a good start if not daily.  

I read that there are 73 trains announced in the railway budget which includes a Bangalore-Chennai daily express via Bangarpet and Katpadi.   What is the need for another express train between Bangalore and Chennai when there are more than 15 trains between the two cities including a double-decker train plying daily.  The same could have been changed between Hosur-Chennai via Byappanahalli.

This is a unjustitied and unacceptable to the people of this region.  

I hope Mr. Gopinath, a very vibrant Hosur MLA from the congress party would take up this matter seriously and get us a solution.   

Your Career Development Is In Your Hands

People have supervisors/managers and they have their managers.   Lot of us have learnt over many years that a manager is responsible for individual's development.   "Development" here is a buzzword which is often mis-understood or less understood.  It means many things from learning to career progression.   As humans, we feel motivated when we achieve something new, however small it is because there is a feeling of joy and learning.  While our managers can show the direction and "probably" guide us by giving inputs on ways to achieve it, it is in our hands to go that extra mile to conquer the territory.  Career progression is one such example.   

Career progression is a territory to be conquered.  It could be a hard terrain to climb.  There could be multiple hurdles stopping us from moving forward.  It is our responsibility to cross those hurdles and move forward without looking back.  Our managers are not going to solve it for us.  Bad managers can make our journey very difficult by creating more hurdles.  Good managers either clear them or show an alternate smooth path to achieve the same goal.  Often we fail to distinguish between a bad manager and a good manager, especially when we are very early in our career.  

If you encounter somone who creates hurdles and makes your tasks even more difficult, it is your respnsibility to clear those hurdles.  If the hurdle creater is your manager, it is still your responsibility to conquer them, because ultimately the goal that you have set for yourself is your goal, not your manager's goal.  

Let us take an example of a scenario when someone is denied a promotion.  "Denial Of Promotion" (DOP) creates a bottleneck and slows down your career progression goal.  It is a hurdle which I talked before.  You have to measure the bottleneck and see how genuine the DOP is.  Because, your manager will be bound by organizational policies and practices and will have only limited sphere of influence.  So, a DOP is not necessarily your manager's fault.  However, as a manager, he/she has a duty to communicate to you in a "friendly and kind" manner about why you were denied promotion and what is that you should do to improve.  Many times this dialog is often regarded as "fullfilling of ones' task" by the supervisor.  There may not be any credibility in this dialog.  A DOP would put you back by few years.   Multiple DOPs can seriously injure your career progression.  DgOP could be a traumatic expereince.  It could impact you both personally and professionally.  

So, what do you do when you are denied promotion which was must awaited for years?   How would you react?   How would you control stress and mental agony?  Here are some tips that could help you overcome this situation

1.  "Thinking about your family - those smiling faces waiting for you".   Do not build stress and agony because it would harm your health.

2   Talk to a trusted partner about everything that is in your mind bothering you.   Because, it is better to vent out your frustrations.   Your trusted partner could be your spouse or a good friend of yours but not your manager even if your manager is a good friend. 

3.  Depending upon what time of the day you were told about the DOP, as soon as you get to know about it, call it a day and go home and relax yourself.   Because the first thing to do is to relax your mind and the best place to do that is your home.

4.  Indulge yourself in some healthy and friendly activities like playing with your children, talking to your spouse, seeing a movie, going out for a dinner etc.   

5.  Go to bed early and have a sound 8-hr sleep.

6.  Next day, get back to regular work and keep your mind busy with work.   Take up something that would be interesting to work on which would motivate you.   This is the time you need motivation.

7.  Do not discuss about DOP with anyone.  If you are inadvertently/advertently pulled into one such discussion, please mention that you are not interested in taking part in such a discussion and move forward.

8. Chart out a plan in your mind as to how to move forward towards your career progression goal.  It could be looking out too, but keep it yourself and do not reveal anything.  Work on it in background.

9.  You can have further discussions about DOP with your manager as appropriate, but never ever vent out your frustrations on your manager.  Do not give a clue that you are least interested in this job and you would be looking out (even if you are planning to do so).    

10.  A healthy dialog with your manager is to ask for a development plan because a development plan is something that would still be useful in some sense irrespective of your decision ot stay or quit.

Whatever is the case.   Understand this philosophy.....

WORK IS WORSHIP AND THE ORGANIZATION IS A TEMPLE.   It should be always "Business as usual" for you.  So, do not give it up, carry on your normal job and you will get over it very soon.   Do not let your ambitions down by reacting.  The world is there for you with other opportunities if not this organization.